I am not a very good writer. I seem to have a hard time putting things I want to say into words so bare with me here.
As I look back over these years I can see exactly what God has done and continues to do for me through Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. He has watched over me, protected me, healed me, guided me, talked to me, baptized me in the Holy Spirit, gave me any gift of the Holy Spirit when it was needed. Not all of them were needed.
I don't remember the date I was saved. I have heard preachers and teachers say that if you can't remember the date you were saved you are not saved. That is one of the biggest false teachings I ever heard. At my age I am surprised I can remember anything. Just joking of course. I never was good at remembering dates, phone numbers, or addresses. So, if that is the case and I know that I am not the only one that has a hard time remembering things like that, but can you imagine how many people God will refuse into heaven just because they can't remember the date they were saved? It's not in the Bible that you have to remember the date to insure that you are saved. I have no idea where some people came up with that reasoning. Bottom line is, I know I am saved and if you know you are saved that is all that matters. OK, I am getting off track here. Forgive me for venting. Anyway, if someone tells you that ignore it.
I am going to do my best to remember some of the things God has done in my life so here it goes.
I grew up on a farm. I feel that I have been very blessed to have lived on a farm, small to medium sized towns and big cities. I wish everyone could experience that. Now I reside in the 5th largest city in the country, Phoenix, Arizona. This city offers all sorts of opportunities that I would have missed ad if I had not been obedient to what God was telling me to do. No matter where we lived when I was young my mother always made sure that I was in Bible school every summer and in Sunday school and church every Sunday. Even though she never went to church herself as an adult. She did when she was young so she made sure I did the same. I praise God and am grateful to my mother for doing that.
I don't exactly remember the date I was saved as I said before, but I know it was before I was confirmed in the Lutheran Church. My mother was so proud of me because I always attended Sunday school and church. When I left home I stopped and it was a long time before I started back again.
I do remember very well the night I turned my life completely over to God. I was coming home form a high school event that I was involved in. It had to be sometime after 10 PM. I don't remember exactly how old I was or what grade I was in. As I was walking home something shook the bushes and it really scared me so I ran home as fast as I could. While running I looked up into the starlit sky and said Lord, I am yours do with me what you will. That was it.
The trials and tribulations I went through when I was young I now consider blessings. My father was an alcoholic, which was not good for a young boy to have to deal with, going through my parent's divorce and my mother getting remarried. Sadly, my step father didn't like my brother and I very much. Being verbally abused on top of everything made it difficult for me to learn. That or it was the two severe blows to the head I got when I was very young. Once with a baseball bat and the second blow from a 2 inch in diameter iron rod that supported two teeder-todders. The second one is when I really saw stars flying around my head, dazed and it did cut my head open. That is no joke. Living a long ways from a hospital my parents never took me to see a doctor. I probably had a concussion, but who knew. Why God allowed all this to happen when I was young I feel was no accident since now I can associate and understand people that have experienced the same. God taught me how to really understand their feelings and their pain.
*How did I get into radio? Well, I had to do everything I could to get my mother to allow me to go to radio school. That included getting the rep from the radio school on career day to come to the house and talk with her. It was scary because I knew she would get angry with me afterward. That freaked her out that I went that far. I was willing to do anything to go to radio school because I was fascinated by radio and that is what I really wanted to do. I would drive my mother crazy when I would read my homework out loud pretending I was reading the news on the radio. She would always holler at me from upstairs "can't you read to yourself?" You have no idea how many times I heard that. However, she gave in and allowed me to go to radio school. I got my first job in radio a month before I graduated from radio school so they allowed me to graduate anyway. The teacher said if your good enough to get a job your good enough to graduate. That first job in radio was at a small town radio station about 35 miles from my home town. She was able to listen to my show and she was so proud. Word spread rapidly in my home town that I was on the radio. I remember once when she came down to the station as a guest with other ladies to watch me host a live cooking show with a guest cook. Oh, that was something else trying to teach me how to make some of here recipes. What a mess I made. Mom was was very glad I was not in her kitchen.
I was not good at cooking and still don't know how to cook. Even though I was the first guy in my high school to take home economics. I know my friends are reading this and saying, Yeah, you and the rest of the girls. OK, please no stereotyping here because the second semester my step brother took the class with me and he is as straight as can be. Well, I guess I broke the ice because the following year more guys took home economics. By the way, at that time I had no idea I was gay and I did have a girlfriend. I'm a getting off track here. I figured I would throw that in to lighten things up a bit.
Anyway, after radio school and my first job in radio little did I know at that time God was at work preparing me to use the media for His purpose.
My first and second radio jobs were in small towns. After I lost my job at the second radio station, I moved to stay with friends near my hometown. Lived at home for a while and that drove me nuts. I left and moved Lincoln. I managed to find a small room to rent, but I was running out of money and I lost my car. I couldn't pay the rent and was behind, but the landlady let me stay. I couldn't find work and was almost out of money. I rationed it. So for a week all I ate was a milk shake for supper. I later found out that one of the cafeteria's would allow me to work for food. So I bused tables during the lunch and dinner hour. I finally got a job as a night time security guard at one of the major department stores in a major shopping center located on the far east side of the city. Each night I hitched a ride to work and hitched a ride back in the morning or walked home. It was a very long long ways to walk and I was glad it was summer. I remember that to and from work I would be singing a song called "Hitch'n A Ride". It was a hit song at that time. Some how I managed to find out that one of the radio stations in Council Bluffs was hiring and they got a hold of me to come in for an interview. I had no idea how I was going to get there, but a friend of mine I knew said he would give me a ride up and back since he was going to Omaha that day anyway. Well, the program director said that he would get back in touch with me. I waited and waited. Finally, I heard back from him and he wanted me to come in for a second interview the next day. I couldn't get a hold of my friend. I was sitting on the front steps of my apartment late at night. I was really depressed and I prayed. Lord, I don't know how I am going to get to that interview. Remember I live over a 100 miles away. You got to find a way for me Lord, you got to help me. Please? Now mind you it was late and instead of going to my room to bed I decided to walk uptown. When I got downtown and passed the major hotel I was going to take a left and walk west. However, as I turned the corner I saw this person about a block away walking toward me. I got scared, turned around and walked in the opposite direction. I walked a block and just before I got to the intersection i turned around and that person was no longer behind me. As I was approaching the intersection I noticed this car coming down the street to my right. No other cars were on the streets at that time of night. Just as the car came to the intersection the light turned red and it had to stop. I noticed two young guys in the car that were about 2 or 3 years younger than I was. They had there window down and I approached the car to talk with them. Could it have been an Angel God had sent that I saw that made me turn around and go the opposite direction? In our conversation, they asked what I was doing out this late at night in the city and I said that I have to find some way to get to Omaha tomorrow because I have a very important job interview in Council Bluffs. The driver said great were going to Omaha tonight hop in. They had to stop at his friends house first to pick up some things. I told them they could drop me off at my step brothers apartment. Coincidence? I think not. To make a long story short I made it to the interview and got the job.
About a year later I started going back to a Lutheran church.
I ended up getting a job at a radio station in St. Louis and eventually got transferred to their sister station in Kansas City. A couple of friends came down to help me and my partner move. We picked up the rental truck and got it back to the apartment and when backing the truck up I hit this parked car that was owned by the guy who owned the garage next door. I had to tell him and was scared to face him. He came out and looked at the damage and I was really worried because I didn't have the money to pay the deductible to get the car fixed. He was looking the car over and I told him I would be right back. I went inside and prayed. Lord you have to do something about this. When I came back out the owner said don't worry about I'll take care of it. I praised and thanked God once again.
One time in my 3rd floor Kansas City apartment one of my cats ended up getting up in the rafters of the roof through the small storage area that also lead to the attic. I accidentally left the door open that day. I didn't know she got up in the rafters until I heard scratching and meowing in my bedroom wall in my while I was sitting on my bed. I called and called for her, but she was stuck. She was scared. I tried to break in the wall through the pantry with a hammer, but that wouldn't work because of the plaster and chicken wire in the wall. I went back into my bedroom and shut the door. I heard her still trying to get out with meows of fear. I thought about calling the fire department, but I sat on the edge of the bed and prayed and prayed out loud. Shortly after I started praying I heard this scratching at my bedroom door. I opened it and there she was. I was so happy and once again he answered my prayer. To this day I truly believe that God miraculously lifted her out of that wall and placed her at my bedroom door.
I don't know exactly what year it was, but I attended one of the first gay pride parades in Kansas City. I got there very early. I seem to be always early for everything. I remember the week prior that churches across the city were praying for rain so the parade would be canceled. That morning when I woke up it was raining. So I got to the park early and no one was there yet and thought the parade might be canceled. It was a gentle rain. The parade was to assemble at noon. As noon approached I started to pray and I don't remember the exact words, but it went something like this. God, if you love us, created us and we are your children please stop the rain and let the sun shine on our parade. A few minutes before noon the the rain stopped, the clouds began to break and the sun broke through. When the parade started is was a beautiful warm sunny day with very few clouds left in the sky. I couldn't help but think what those churches were saying. Another prayer answered.
I praise God that I am still alive because I really shouldn't be. Years ago I drove a little Triumph Spitfire convertible. Some of you may remember those very little British sports cars. I loved that car, but since it was yellow and I have heard never get a yellow car because you will have nothing but problems. The devil tried to kill me in that car twice. The first time I was rear ended by a Chevy Monte Carlo and it pushed the rear bumper right up behind the drivers seat. The police officer said I was very lucky since that car could of gone over my little convertible and landed right on top of me. The second time I was coming home late at night and a drunk driver ran a red light and broad sided me in the left front fender spinning me around once. I had to climb over the stick shift on the floor to get out the riders door because the drivers side door would not open. If I would of been going a little faster the other car would of hit me square in the drivers door and no doubt I would have probably been killed. That was on a Saturday night and the next Sunday morning I was to be installed as deacon and Metropolitan Community Church of KC. What I didn't know was, even though the office asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital I said no. I should of went. Because the next morning when I got out of bed and put my right leg on the floor I screamed in pain. I had to call the pastors spouse to take me to the hospital. I had a broken knee. I was out of the hospital in time to make it to church just as the service started. The doctor said I would be in a full length leg cast for 6 weeks. Well, that wasn't the case. It was 4 weeks and the doctor was surprised it healed so quickly. Of course, I wasn't surprised at all because I knew God was responsible for speeding up my healing. My physical therapy was quick as well. I got out of the hospital just in time to make it to church for my installation.
Let me digress a bit. Once I got to the bigger cities of Omaha and Kansas City sex, drugs and rock and roll were a big part of the radio scene and my life. I stopped going to church. However, I wasn't as promiscuous as some of my friends, but I was sexually active. Those were the party years and I was very surprised I didn't end up getting busted. It didn't take long after those years of party, party, party God spoke to me deep within my Spirit and told me that's it. Play time is over time and I needed to get to work for Him because He told me I have plans for you. So, I got back into church again.
17 years ago God told me that He wanted me to leave Kansas City. I said, really? He said yes. OK, give me a sign. He did. Ok, I asked Him to give me another sign just be sure. He did. OK, I wasn't satisfied because I wanted to be absolutely sure. I just didn't ask for 2 signs, but 5. He gave me all 5 signs. Absolutely no doubt in my mind anymore. So after all that I prayed and prayed where do you want me to go. 2 years later, I found out. I first thought it might be Seattle when I visited there. I just didn't feel that was it, but I knew that when I found out where God wanted me to be I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I asked, I told God, mind you I didn't ask, that if your going to send me somewhere send me where there are mountains and the climate is warm during the winter.
I visited Casa de Cristo Evangelical Church in Phoenix one year when I was on vacation with a friend of mine. I decided to stop by and visit with Pastor Fred Pattison because I met him previously at a T.E.N. (The Evangelical Network) Conference in Phoenix. During the course of our conversation I told him that I spent 18 years in radio and how I founded a GLBT radio program called The Tenth Voice on a community radio station in Kansas City. I believe that may have been one of the very first GLBT radio program in the country, but I can't say for sure. Matter of fact, the program is still on the air and still going strong today. Anyway, Fred got a smile on his face and said that he always was wanting to start a media ministry for a long time and didn't know how to do it. He asked me to pray about moving to Phoenix. Well, I said I would, but I knew when he said what he said that I immediately knew where God wanted me to be. So, when I got back home I turned in my 4 weeks notice and set out with a moving truck, car in tow with my two cats for Phoenix. This was a huge step of faith because I had no job, no advance place to live and only enough money to live on for 2 to 3 months. Fred was gracious enough to ask a church couple if I could stay with them until I could find a place and get settled. It was tough, but I found a place that was managed by a lesbian and the rent was reasonable. An apartment complex managed by a lesbian, what are the chances. You think God had something to do with that? Of course He did.
I was praying very hard asking God to find me a job quickly since I took this huge leap of faith. I did get a job through a temp agency at Motorola Computer Group in Customer Support, but that wasn't going to start for at least 3 weeks. So, I got a job at a telemarketing company I used to work part time for in KC. I was out of work for about a month in Phoenix before all this happened. The job at Motorola was very stressful and I ended up suffering a breakdown. I had to take a 4 week medical leave. When I returned to work I would walk around the complex on my lunch break eating while I walked. One day during my walk I felt led to start praying in the Spirit for the department management and all of my co-workers. I did this for 7 days. After which, God told me that I was to continue walking around the complex and praying for another 3 weeks. I don't know why, but I knew that God had a very good reason for me to do it. When those 4 weeks had passed I knew God was going to do something. However, I didn't think it was going to be so drastic. He completely shut the entire department down. I learned later my co-workers I kept in touch with went on to better jobs with a much better environment to work in. I also got a better job. I was fortunate that Motorola offered a career consulting program with a coach through an outside company. I took advantage of it and am glad I did. They helped me write a professional resume, coached me on how to act during a lunch interview and a regular interview.
I went back to the a couple of temp agencies and was convinced to go to computer training to become a tech for Apple. However, after all was said and done I didn't like it and quit. I was still working with the temp agencies so they could try and find me something, but I couldn't wait any longer and I prayed hard not asking God, but demanding He find me a job soon because I didn't want to dip into my emergency savings reserve, which didn't have much in it.
3 days later I got a call from a former boss of mine and he said I got this idea would you be interested. I said definitely, so I got the ball rolling and got started in the people finding business, which turned out to be well worth my while. I eventually became a licensed private investigator, which is another move of God. Here is that story. I needed to get my license, but the state required that you needed to have a certain amount of working experience under another P.I. before I could get mine. When I was talking to my company attorney I told him the situation and he said that a very good friend of his was a P.I. and that he would get me in contact with him. I called the P.I. the next day and arranged to have lunch with him., When we met over lunch he said since my attorney was a friend of his and I was his client, and my attorney put in a very good word in for me, the P.I. told me he would not normally do this, but because of what he was told by my attorney that he would allow me to work under his license until I got the required hours. I agreed to pay him so much per month to do that, which I thought was reasonable. It was a great responsibility since I had to be very aware not to put his license in jeopardy. After the required amount of hours the State of Arizona required I got my license. I had my company for 15 years and at it's peak had about 35 employees.
The business got very competative to where I was only doing it part time and I needed to find another job. A very good friend of mine told me that where he worked they were looking for someone. I wanted to keep working as a P.I. part time and went in for an interview where my friend worked. I got the job. While working at this job God worked another miracle. It was getting to the point I could no longer afford my own medical insurance. So, I made the decision I would have to drop my insurance and was going to do so the following week before the next premium was due. Well, that same week I made that decision the company I got the job with decided to put all of us on full time with benefits beginning the following week. So, I continued to have medical insurance at a much much lower premium. Again, Praise God for something I didn't really pray for, but He was looking out for me as He always does.
I praise and continue to always give thanks to God for what He has done for me through my life. I really didn't stop to think about how much He has done until I started writing this testimony. My reaction was WOW! Putting to shame those who say that He doesn't care about me, will not answer my prayers or provide for me because I am gay. Well, God just proved them wrong. I know many others in my GLBT community will have even more moving testimonies then mine.
Even when I am going through difficult times God is with me and providing for my needs. I know there are other things that He has done in my life that I will not go into, but you get the picture. I hope my testimony will be a blessing to anyone who reads it. I assure you that God loves you for who you are becaue He created you and me just as we are and He doesn't make mistakes.
My sincere thanks to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for being by my side all of my life. I humbly thank Him for another year of life. I am so grateful for God's grace and mercy that He has for all of his children. Yes, we are all His children that He cares for deeply.
May God bless each and everyone of you. I want to add one final thought. You can ask God about anything and if you remain silent to listen after you pray He will answer you, but not always in the way you think He will answer.
Remember, Jesus is your friend, your companion, your partner and your intercessor.
Love you all.
In His service,
John